Tuesday, January 07, 2003
This is a momentus (momentous?) occassion.
I am sitting in my bedroom and typing an entry.
Wha???
I don't sit in my room and type an entry.
I sit in the kitchen and I type.
I sit at work and I type.
Sometimes I sit at random computers and I type.
But sitting in my room, my private, wonderful room, and typing, is something else.
Clearly...I'm in love.
As I type, I am listening to the Miss Saigon soundtrack. I had ordered the cd from BMG a couple of months ago, but they sent me the "highlights" and I was very upset.
So for Christmas I asked for the full blown soundtrack. Every song. Every word.
You see, I lost my version. Someone else has it. Probably someone I don't talk to anymore.
I hate that person. I hate them hard.
But you see, now I have my old love back.
I'm not THAT gay. It's just that there are certain things a man needs
and
the Miss Saigon soundtrack is something a man needs.
ha.
I am happy right now.
Paul decided to have dinner with his roommates. The cursed Jen and Lisa.
At first I was pissed that he was "choosing them over me", cuz I am a psycho. Even when I hinted that I wanted him to come over instead of having dinner with them, I thought to myself: "I hate them (that's the first thing I ALWAYS think when their names come up) and I would love to have a night away from Paul, so go go go!". So, I'm crazy...I don't know what I want.
Anyway, I got distracted, cuz I was jamming out to a Broadway musical.
It happens.
Now and again.
and always.
Right now I am about to make preparations for Rita's bday. I have some things I need to do. But since she is such an avid reader of this ever popular journal (hahahahahah....boooooooowaaaaaaahh...oh damn.....OH DAMN.....oh yeah thats good) I can't give away the details.
So I have decided that I am king.
I decided that rather than just have a good time with whoever I am with, I will just control every situation, so that I never end up with those "uncomfortable people" hanging out in my group.
Essentially I crown myself as king.
I am sure that my friends will completely appreciate this.
You see, we are all looking for a leader. Someone to make all of those decisions you don't want to make.
For example...
You are sitting around with a group of people (some of which are better friends of yours, than others.) and you all have to decide where to go to dinner.
You get nervous, cuz you want to voice your opinion, but you don't know if you have what it takes to say: "Look...we should go here." What if they think it's a stupid idea?
And you don't know these people, so it might be best to make a good impression and do whatever they want.
NEVER!
Invite Joe Cut the Shit to all of your parties and I will make your decisions for you.
I have accepted the fact that I am going to obsessively worry about everyone in my life no matter what, so it might be best to just go with it and control it all. I think it's VERY healthy.
Instead of wondering who is going to call everyone and make sure they show up at the right time to your PRECIOUS (golum) event, I will call them all and make SURE they show up on time.
What I am getting at is simple.
I am tired of sitting back and worrying about all of my different friends meeting eachother and getting along.
No one has asked me to do it and no one expects me to do it.
I have done this.
I can't change overnight. But I can be more vocal and honest with what I feel.
Instead of expecting people to automatically know what I think, I need to explain it to them and give them a chance to understand me.
If I feel uncomfortable with Paul's roommates, I need to explain to him why, instead of hoping he will ask me about it after hearing me say things like "Oh Lisa? Yeah. Her words are my sleeping pills. Basically she is suck."
Joe...stop it.
LOL.
and stop it.
okay enough. That's just the lesson I learned today.
So here are a quick OTHERS that are going on in my life right now:
1) I am looking to purchase a BOWFLEX or TOTAL GYM or something else endorsed by such popular actors as Chuck Norris.
I'm talking Texas Walker Ranger folks. I want it. Or one of them. I want to be able to work out in private and not at a gym. Paul laughed in my face when I told him the idea. That just makes me want to do it more.
But I am on a limited budget, so I need to figure out a way to find a good, compactable machine, that is affordable. Even if I have to pay for 12 months...that's fine. Just affordable. Hey, it's cheaper than a gym!
And so much sexier when I stare at myself in the mirror.
All sweaty and raw.
sickest.
2) I feel good. I am ready to tackle some things in my life. AND most importantly, I feel that I am doing it at my own pace. I am ready. You watch. A year ago right now (read my archives) I didn't feel the way I do now.
I am ready folks.
3) Kelly and I might end up living with this girl Stephanie.
Okay...news is out folks....Rita is leaving NYC on March 1st. She is going back to Syracuse to claim her love. She has answered the question we all want to answer: "Am I willing to spend the rest of my life by his side?" Well...it took her 6 years, but she has realized her passion. She will be an amazing wife and mother.
But let's not completely let her off the hook...cuz the thing is...my dream for Rita has always been HUGE. I want her to get published. I want her to act in a play. I want her to sing a solo in a choir. Rita's got the talents and when it comes to my view of her life, I dream big. Joe big.
But I finally get it. I see that she has to go for her.
It's pretty difficult to accept, but I get it.
I do.
enough.
so anyway (BTW...Cry Me a River is now playing.
I love this man.
Have you SEEN the new "Rolling Stone"?
whats up!?!?!?!?!
So Kelly and I are, of COURSE going to move in together. We were planning on two, but now we are thinking 3. Kelly has this friend Stephanie that has been with her for at least a year. When around, Stephanie is nothing short of a darling. I am BIG on first impressions and this girl has it. Every visit with her is nothing short of a joy.
So Kelly poses the idea of Stephanie to me today and I think...why not.
Of course I was looking forward to living with just one other person and cutting out the college-ish life entirely...
but I also think...interesting. This could be a good experience.
For all of us.
So that's that. More to come...
4) I am bored now so goodbye.
Wow. I just typed all of this in my bedroom.
I am so lucky and never for a second do I think that I have it worse than 80% of the rest of the world.
ha. I better stop while I am ahead.
I am sitting in my bedroom and typing an entry.
Wha???
I don't sit in my room and type an entry.
I sit in the kitchen and I type.
I sit at work and I type.
Sometimes I sit at random computers and I type.
But sitting in my room, my private, wonderful room, and typing, is something else.
Clearly...I'm in love.
As I type, I am listening to the Miss Saigon soundtrack. I had ordered the cd from BMG a couple of months ago, but they sent me the "highlights" and I was very upset.
So for Christmas I asked for the full blown soundtrack. Every song. Every word.
You see, I lost my version. Someone else has it. Probably someone I don't talk to anymore.
I hate that person. I hate them hard.
But you see, now I have my old love back.
I'm not THAT gay. It's just that there are certain things a man needs
and
the Miss Saigon soundtrack is something a man needs.
ha.
I am happy right now.
Paul decided to have dinner with his roommates. The cursed Jen and Lisa.
At first I was pissed that he was "choosing them over me", cuz I am a psycho. Even when I hinted that I wanted him to come over instead of having dinner with them, I thought to myself: "I hate them (that's the first thing I ALWAYS think when their names come up) and I would love to have a night away from Paul, so go go go!". So, I'm crazy...I don't know what I want.
Anyway, I got distracted, cuz I was jamming out to a Broadway musical.
It happens.
Now and again.
and always.
Right now I am about to make preparations for Rita's bday. I have some things I need to do. But since she is such an avid reader of this ever popular journal (hahahahahah....boooooooowaaaaaaahh...oh damn.....OH DAMN.....oh yeah thats good) I can't give away the details.
So I have decided that I am king.
I decided that rather than just have a good time with whoever I am with, I will just control every situation, so that I never end up with those "uncomfortable people" hanging out in my group.
Essentially I crown myself as king.
I am sure that my friends will completely appreciate this.
You see, we are all looking for a leader. Someone to make all of those decisions you don't want to make.
For example...
You are sitting around with a group of people (some of which are better friends of yours, than others.) and you all have to decide where to go to dinner.
You get nervous, cuz you want to voice your opinion, but you don't know if you have what it takes to say: "Look...we should go here." What if they think it's a stupid idea?
And you don't know these people, so it might be best to make a good impression and do whatever they want.
NEVER!
Invite Joe Cut the Shit to all of your parties and I will make your decisions for you.
I have accepted the fact that I am going to obsessively worry about everyone in my life no matter what, so it might be best to just go with it and control it all. I think it's VERY healthy.
Instead of wondering who is going to call everyone and make sure they show up at the right time to your PRECIOUS (golum) event, I will call them all and make SURE they show up on time.
What I am getting at is simple.
I am tired of sitting back and worrying about all of my different friends meeting eachother and getting along.
No one has asked me to do it and no one expects me to do it.
I have done this.
I can't change overnight. But I can be more vocal and honest with what I feel.
Instead of expecting people to automatically know what I think, I need to explain it to them and give them a chance to understand me.
If I feel uncomfortable with Paul's roommates, I need to explain to him why, instead of hoping he will ask me about it after hearing me say things like "Oh Lisa? Yeah. Her words are my sleeping pills. Basically she is suck."
Joe...stop it.
LOL.
and stop it.
okay enough. That's just the lesson I learned today.
So here are a quick OTHERS that are going on in my life right now:
1) I am looking to purchase a BOWFLEX or TOTAL GYM or something else endorsed by such popular actors as Chuck Norris.
I'm talking Texas Walker Ranger folks. I want it. Or one of them. I want to be able to work out in private and not at a gym. Paul laughed in my face when I told him the idea. That just makes me want to do it more.
But I am on a limited budget, so I need to figure out a way to find a good, compactable machine, that is affordable. Even if I have to pay for 12 months...that's fine. Just affordable. Hey, it's cheaper than a gym!
And so much sexier when I stare at myself in the mirror.
All sweaty and raw.
sickest.
2) I feel good. I am ready to tackle some things in my life. AND most importantly, I feel that I am doing it at my own pace. I am ready. You watch. A year ago right now (read my archives) I didn't feel the way I do now.
I am ready folks.
3) Kelly and I might end up living with this girl Stephanie.
Okay...news is out folks....Rita is leaving NYC on March 1st. She is going back to Syracuse to claim her love. She has answered the question we all want to answer: "Am I willing to spend the rest of my life by his side?" Well...it took her 6 years, but she has realized her passion. She will be an amazing wife and mother.
But let's not completely let her off the hook...cuz the thing is...my dream for Rita has always been HUGE. I want her to get published. I want her to act in a play. I want her to sing a solo in a choir. Rita's got the talents and when it comes to my view of her life, I dream big. Joe big.
But I finally get it. I see that she has to go for her.
It's pretty difficult to accept, but I get it.
I do.
enough.
so anyway (BTW...Cry Me a River is now playing.
I love this man.
Have you SEEN the new "Rolling Stone"?
whats up!?!?!?!?!
So Kelly and I are, of COURSE going to move in together. We were planning on two, but now we are thinking 3. Kelly has this friend Stephanie that has been with her for at least a year. When around, Stephanie is nothing short of a darling. I am BIG on first impressions and this girl has it. Every visit with her is nothing short of a joy.
So Kelly poses the idea of Stephanie to me today and I think...why not.
Of course I was looking forward to living with just one other person and cutting out the college-ish life entirely...
but I also think...interesting. This could be a good experience.
For all of us.
So that's that. More to come...
4) I am bored now so goodbye.
Wow. I just typed all of this in my bedroom.
I am so lucky and never for a second do I think that I have it worse than 80% of the rest of the world.
ha. I better stop while I am ahead.
